He is Jealous For Me......Shalom

To say this last couple weeks has been crazy does not begin to explain it.  I've gone between floating on "cloud 9" to lying face down on the ground in humilty and heartbreak. I've been elated, confused, fearful, and sad. I have been a mess.  I was becoming this ugly person that I don't like, but didn't even really see it. I'm lucky enough to have a friend who wasn't afraid to tell me I was being ugly and didn't care if it made me mad to hear it.  Hopefully this friend still believes in the potential of the person I am, and not the person I was allowing circumstances and petty fears turn me in to.

This weekend I received the gift of peace.  With my precious husband at work , and my friends busy for the holiday weekend I had lots of time in quiet contemplation.  I believe God knew I needed this, He knew I was standing at a cross-roads, I was lost and getting off track.  He knew I was getting consumed in the events in my life and everything happening around me...He knew I was about to crumble.  So God gave me peace...quiet.

At first the peace was uncomfortable.  I'm not good alone, so on Saturday when I reached out to a friend and was told "I'm busy this weekend"...I was like "ok, I get it".  I cleaned my house more than it's ever been cleaned before.  I slept...a lot.  I prayed, I sang, I danced by myself in the living room, I cried, and I slept some more.

I realized in all the chaos of life, there is something constant....God's love for me. 

Psalm 139:7-10 "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." 

He has given me a husband who loves me, wonderful parents, and grandpa who is pretty amazing.  Who am I to question His love?  Who am I to say what I have isn't good enough, or act like a child when I don't get my way?  Yet even in my childlike ways, he cares enough to bring me out of the depths, out of the dark and into His PEACE.

This song has been my mantra this weekend, I've put the lyrics below:




He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.


Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all


He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Shalom,
Apryll