Never the Same

I will never be the same again, I can never return, I've closed the door. I'll walk the path, I'll run the race, and I will never be the same again. - Geoff Bullock

This morning in my quiet time I was in the book of Ezekiel.  To give you the Apryll's paraphrase of what had happened up to the point I am going to tell you about in Ezekiel... Israel messed up. Big time.  To say God was a little bit peeved is an understatement.  So, in order to teach Israel a lesson show Israel He is God, they went through a season of punishment. (ps Yes, God is a God of love and redemption, but if you have lost your healthy fear of God..I recommend reading the OT, it'll be good for you.) Now it was time to redeem Israel, again so they would know He is God. So in Ezekiel chapter 46 God is giving Ezekiel a vision of the new Holy Temple and instructions for the Feasts. Verse 9 jumped off the page at me:

"When the people of the land come before the LORD at the appointed feasts, he who enters by the north gate to worship shall go out by the south gate, and he who enters by the south gate show go out by the north gate: no one shall return by the way of the gate by which he entered, but each shall go out straight ahead." ESV

What a beautiful picture!  I mean, yes it's logical, there are are hundreds of people flowing through the temple, and establishing traffic order, just makes sense...but I love the fact the He doesn't want people turning around and  going back to the place they just came from.  He doesn't want us making a U-turn back into our mess, He wants us to move forward, leaving worship changed, renewed, with a resolve to not go back to the mess He just redeemed us from.  The verse made me think of the song performed by Hillsong United song "I Will Never Be". I've sang this song hundreds of times in church...so many times there are Sunday's I'm singing it wondering if I really mean it.  If I will really leave that place of communing with God a different person than I was when I entered.  I need to stop making U-turns back into the comfort of old habits and sins; I need to go out straight ahead, changed, redeemed.  What about you?



Blessings!

Things that bring me joy:
* The peace and quiet that comes with morning
* A chance to live a new day
* A God who allows do-overs

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Crazy for Simplicity

In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My husband and I bought our time share in the fall of 2002, just before we were married.  It has been a tremendous blessing to us, because it has enabled us to go on several vacations we wouldn't have otherwise been able to afford.  So many of our friends mention how we travel a lot, and I suppose since we don't have children it is just a lifestyle we've adopted.  Jeff never really traveled before he met me.  His first plane ride was with me, and now I think it is fairly safe to say he has obtained the travel bug from me.

Traveling with our time share means that the destination we travel to there is a condo waiting for us. Sometimes it is one bedroom, sometimes two, but always a full condo...a couple of them have even been bigger than our own home.  It's nice because they have a full kitchen, which reduces the money we spend eating out, living room, bedrooms, etc.  There is something about these condos I mention EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  How little stuff there is. Don't get me wrong, there is everything you could ever need to live here permanently....just nothing extra.  No nik-naks fighting for a space, everything has a home.  Today I was tidying up the condo getting ready for my husband to join me in the mountains, and it took no time at all.  It was so simple and efficient.  Every time I leave our time share I am determined to go home and get rid of every extra thing we simply don't need.  

I've mentioned several times on here how I'm tired of chaos, how I need to return to a place of simplicity, and the time is now.  I've been reading blogs, books, etc, on minimalism and the more I read the more I crave this simplistic lifestyle.  I truly hope it is something we can adopt.

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Wedding Anniversaries Spent Alone

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~ Simone Signoret

I'm in the beautiful mountains of Avon, CO.  The weather is crisp and cool making the fireplace in my condo even more inviting.  From my 4th floor balcony I can see the heated swimming pool below. The glow from the lights in the hot water beckon me with the steam wafting off the top of the water.  Many nights since I've arrived I have gazed down to the swimming pool and hot tub with the thought of going down for a soak.  Water soothes me like little else can, warm water surrounded by glorious mountains sounds like pure bliss...and maybe hints at romantic.  And that is why I haven't gone.  My husband couldn't get the time off of work to take our annual anniversary vacation, so I (in my infinite wisdom) decide it would be a good idea to go ahead and go alone.  Not wanting to go and partake in a romantic moment by myself, I stand in my room and gaze at the water from my window...drowning in self pity.  Tonight I look out and see a young couple embracing each other in the pool.  They have the pool to themselves, floating together underneath the evening stars.  I scowl at them from my window, mad for a moment that they get to be caught up in love on my wedding anniversary.  In my head I know it's silly to be upset at them, but in my heart I'm jealous and want that moment to be mine. With a heavy sigh I pick up my book to distract myself and retreat to the chair.  Later I hear roaring laughter coming from the area of the pool.  I look outside and the man is carrying his wife from the pool.  I can't help but giggle.  He sees me in the window and shouts out "WE JUST GOT MARRIED". I smile and nod with a little wave and retreat from the window.  I remember our honeymoon and Jeff carrying me into the ocean, and can't believe it's been 9 years.  It seems time has flown by, yet time has changed us so much.  We aren't the same couple we were then...thank goodness. I cannot wait for him to join me in the mountains, I miss him like crazy.

When is Enough, Enough?

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. - John Burroughs

I'm sitting here at Starbucks, in the serenity of the mountains in Avon, CO.  The crackle of the fire place warms the small cafe, jazz music flows endless melodies, and chitter chatter of employees and patrons surrounds me.  The lady to the left of me is working away on her Macbook Air and the gentleman to the left of me is reading on his iPad 2 and I start to get a little bit jealous.  It's crazy though because what I have is more than enough.  I do have my iPhone and the original iPad...and my PC laptop works great for what I need...do I really need to have everything Apple, and to always have the latest and greatest gadgets?  There is so much more to this life than stuff.  We have become such a materialistic culture that measures status on how much we acquire, instead of things that actually matter. Instead of drooling over the Macbook, I could be deepening my relationship with my husband.  I could be reading things that lift my spirit and push me to grow.  I could be reaching out to my friends that, all too often, I neglect.  There are so many things in life I can be doing better, and none of them have anything to do with acquiring more stuff. I'm tired of stuff, it is suffocating...I'm tired of buying...I'm tired of seeking a false sense of happiness.  Stuff is such a burden, if anything I want less of it.  So....they can keep their new flashy items...I'll stick with what I've got.

What brings me joy:
*Jazz music
*Good coffee
*Cool mountain air

Undo What I've Become

The Spirit is Love expressed towards man as redeeming love, and the Spirit is Truth, and the Spirit is the Holy Spirit. Redemption is inconceivable without truth and holiness. - Roland Allen

Undo - Rush of Fools

I've been here before

Now here I am again

Standing at the door

Praying You'll let me back in

To label me a prodigal would be

Only scratching the surface

Of who I've been known to be

Turn me around, pick up up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, I need Your help

I can't do this myself

You are the only One

Who can undo what I've become

I focused on the score

But I could never win

Trying to ignore

A life of hiding my sin

To label me 

A hypocrite would be

Only scratching the surface

Of who I've been known to be

Turn me around, pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, I need Your help

I can't do this myself

You are the only one

Who can undo what I've become

Make every step lead me back to you

The sovereign way that You

Turn me around, pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, I need Your help

I can't do this myself

You are the only one

Who can undo what I've become

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Thankful for November

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. - Johannnes A Gaertner

I think if I had to pick a month that was my favorite...it would be a toss up between two months.  February and November.  February, to those who know me...is fairly obvious.  It is absolutely not because of Valentines day (bleh)...my birthday is in February.  I love birthdays, I love to celebrate birthdays, and I love that there is an entire month devoted to me. haha  Self indulgent? Maybe...but I think a month focused on the celebration of life and living it to the fullest isn't necessarily a bad thing...but that is an entirely other blogpost and not the focus of today.


As much as I love celebrating my birth month, I think November actually tops it.  November is a significant month for the hubs and I.  We had our first date on 11/11/1997, and we were married on 11/9/2002.  I can't imagine anyone I would have rather spent the last 14 years with.

I love the focus people have on being thankful in November. This month on Facebook people are listing something they are thankful for each day leading up to Thanksgiving. I wish this spirit of giving thanks was something that would extend beyond the month of November. This week I challenged my youth group kids to write down everything they are thankful for.  I have often spoke about doing the same thing, and it's high time I started.

I am beyond excited that on Thanksgiving I am surrounded by family.  I love time with family.  I love the late night card games, the shopping sprees, the shared meals (especially with Uncle Ed's cooking).  This time with family is what memories are made of.  This time leaves me fills me with love, and for a short period of time nothing else matters.  I cherish my family, and cannot wait for the clan to converge on our town for the holiday.

Things that bring me joy:
* Fresh mountain air
* Hearing my husbands voice

Picture Credit

Sucked into Negativity

So I was sitting in the normal spot that I retreat to for my morning quiet times.  Quietly writing away and happily sipping my coffee when I look up and across from me is the recliner my husband usually sits in.  Instantly that takes me back to a conversation from last night when I was sitting here on the couch, and he was sitting in the chair.  The annoyance I felt at that time...which I hadn't thought of since...came flooding back to me. I started getting annoyed.  Then it hit me how easily I can get sucked into negativity.  My poor husband is in bed peacefully sleeping, and in my head I'm planning my retort on a conversation we had 12 hours ago and he has completely forgotten. I stopped myself right away and thought "I need to be thankful for my husband."

I've also been extremely negative about work.  There are so many changes happening right now, and I'm ashamed to admit I have been trapped in negative thinking. Like "this is never going to work", "these changes are going to make things horrible", "the person who thought of these obviously don't know our job"...etc etc.  Instead, I should be focusing on the positive (like I actually HAVE a job) and be thankful.

Sometimes I feel like such an Israelite. Read through the Old Testament and you'll see if anyone had the spiritual gift of complaining, it was them.  I wonder if it is human nature sometimes to seek out the negative, and just wallow around in it.  I wonder what a difference it would make if we stopped complaining, stopped being negative, and instead chose to be thankful.

I stumbled upon these verses:

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning

uh huh, ALL things. It doesn't say "try not to grumble"...nope, it says Don't.Do.It.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

James 5:9 Do not grumble against one another, brother, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.

Convicted yet? I sure am.  I am thankful for my husband.  He is a good man who spoils me rotten.  We have our disagreements, but I can't expect perfection from an imperfect man...anymore than he can expect it from me.  I need to be thankful for my job, that it's changing and it's not going anywhere.

Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, or order to bring praise to God.
1Thessalonians 5:11 Encourage one another and build each other up.
Hebrews 3:13 Encourage one another daily.

I know I need to stop myself when I start being negative, and speak the positive into the situation/conversation.  Do you?


Photo Credit

Minimalism: Essential Essays

Minimalism: Essential Essays by Ryan Nicodemus
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Lately I have been trying to simplify the chaos that has become my life.  I stumbled upon The Minimalists website about a month ago.  They offer great advise on how to simplify life and focus on what really matters. I was excited to read they were publishing some of their greatest essays into a book and I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. I downloaded it on my Kindle the day it was released and devoured it in just a couple of days. They offer great advise on how to live with less. It's a quick read that shares their life experience from the beginning of their path towards a mimimalist lifestyle. While there are one or two curse words, which I found disappointing since both authors have an extensive vocabulary and didn't require vulgarity to get their point across, their message is worth the read and their practical advice is applicable to wherever you are at in life.


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Friendship

"Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours." - Ludwig van Beethoven

Relationships are hard, complicated, messy.  I've never been good at relationships...especially friendships. I used to work with a lady who grew up on a farm.  She would always say "Humans are the strangest critters I've ever met." I couldn't agree more.  When I would hear a preacher talk about how humans are God's greatest creation I wanted to say "Really?? Have you met any??"  

I've often joked that I could be the crazy dog lady (because, really...who wants that many cats??) who lives 100 miles from the nearest person and be perfectly content.  It's safer there. No vulnerability, no fear of rejection, no condemnation. Putting myself out there hasn't always worked out so well for me, so for a long time I just haven't.  I'm pleasant, I'm friendly, I try to help out when I can...but I didn't open myself up to people. No one saw the real me...frankly, I've kept her hidden away so long I wasn't so sure what she was like either.  That is starting to change though.  

There are now a handful of people in my life who I am honored to call friends, and humbled they would consider me one.  People who care what is going on with me, who want to know what I wrestle with, who want to do life with me through the laughter and tears. I am so incredibly grateful for each and everyone one of them.  It's still hard.  We hurt each others feelings, we get frustrated and annoyed.  The difference with them is we love each other enough to talk it out...to call each other out on our crap.  To link arms together and be glad we fit.  All this stuff I've avoided (the pain and heartache) is just as much a part of the blessing as the laughter.  I've grown through these friendships.  At the age of 34 I'm finally I'm learning how to be a friend...I'm learning how to be myself....and (gulp) I'm learning how to be real and vulnerable.  It's frightening, but the value of these relationships is worth more than anything.

Public Service Announcement

When you call a department because you have a problem with a product/service, most likely the person who answered the phone isn't the person who created your problem. However, this person is your first link to getting said problem resolved.  Just a loving reminder to begin with kindness instead of cursing and name calling...sugar will almost always get you further than vinegar.

The end.

Photo Credit: Baton Rouge Today

Jesus in Every Book of the Bible

This is awesome!

What I Learned Running My First 10K

This day last year I had recently started a diet.  I was 222 lbs and had lost my first 2 lbs.  Excited that I was no longer at my heaviest weight ever (hey, 2 lbs counts, right?? LOL) I promised my husband: "Next year I will be thin enough to run the Bolder Boulder with you."  By November I had lost 70 lbs. It was very excited for the accomplishment, and immediately got into a running routine...after all a promise is a promise.  I did very well with this running routine until April....and then life happened.  I just got busy, didn't have time to run...didn't make time to run.  But I had already promised my husband I would run the Bolder Boulder and didn't want to let him down.  So even though I hadn't run in two months and was fairly certain I was going to die....I approached the starting line on Memorial Day with 55K other people.  I finished in an hour and a half, in 38,361st place.  I was thrilled I finished, thrilled I at least beat 16, 639 other people, and I learned a few things for next year.

1) Plan ahead a little better.  I started looking for parking at 7:00 am, and didn't find a spot to park until 8:30...barely in time to catch my wave.  When 55K people are looking for a spot to park near the starting line, they fill up fast. :)

2) MAKE time to run, schedule it in even if life gets busy.  The evening after the race, I have never hurt that bad in my life.  It hurt to sit, stand, walk, lie down....every inch of me hurt.

3) Don't try to run 6.2 miles if the most you've ran up until that point is 3 miles.  Next year I want to be able to run about 10 miles, so 6.2 seems easy. :)

4) Get there in time to properly warm up and stretch.  Because it took me forever to park I didn't warm up or stretch at all before the race.  Probably great contributed to the  previously mentioned misery.

5) Have fun.  This race is a ton of fun (yes, even though it is 6.2 miles)  There is live bands throughout the race, people with slip and slides in the yard.  It's a huge party every mile of the way.  I really tried to take it all in, laugh, and have fun...but I was really worried I'd be the girl who the golf cart picked up because I was going to slow to finish in time. haha

I'm SO glad I ran the Bolder Boulder, it really was a ton of fun and I cannot wait to do it again next year.  :)

Shackles - Mary Mary

This song is so much fun.  Makes me want to get up and dance. :)

The Biggest Winner

Last night my husband and I went to have dinner and watch the season finale of The Biggest Loser with friends.  I haven't watched this show in several years, so I was struck last night by how I felt watching it.  I was emotional for two reasons.

First, because there was a girl whose starting weight was only 7 lbs heavier than my heaviest weight.  It struck me right then.  At one point in time I was big enough to have been on the show.  Now I would never have wanted to be on the show, but we look at the before pictures and that was ME.  I could see myself in so many of those girls.

Second, because I knew how they felt.  I knew how they felt when they were showing interviews from the beginning of the season.  I heard girls saying they were nothing, that they had failed at life because they had failed at their weight.  One girl said she felt like she deserved nothing out of life because of her weight.  Someone referred to their weight as a prison.  I understand all of those statements to my core.  I felt them, I lived them.

But what was great about watching the finale, is I got to rejoice with them. I know how great that victory feels!! When their faces light up with joy at the scale, I've been there.  I, too, have done my share of weigh in dances and shouts of joy. I get it, and it was great to see.  Losing weight is such a hard battle, but it is so worth the fight.  It remains one of the best things I could have ever done for myself.  The changes in me run so much deeper than my physical size.

Last nights show inspired me to keep living the healthy lifestyle I had established, to not slip into old habits...because I don't want to look in the mirror ever again and see the girl I was a year ago.  One lady on the show last night said how there might be only one Biggest Loser, but that they were all Biggest Winners.  I liked that. :)

Anniversaries

We live in a country that likes take the time to stop and remember past events.  We tick off anniversaries of past tragedies. Last month was the 12th anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings.  This year will be the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.  Next week will be the 100th anniversary of the Titanic launching out of Belfast.

Sunday was an anniversary for our community.  Sunday, the day Joplin, MO was ravaged by a tornado, was the 3 year anniversary of the tornado that hit the building I work in and went on to cause destruction in the neighboring town of Windsor, CO.  Both tornadoes were a mile wide. Both tornadoes were classed as an EF-4.  Three years ago I counted my blessings that all I lost in the tornado was a car, friends of mine lost everything. We were lucky as only one person lost their life in the Windsor tornado, last count I heard indicated 116 people lost their life in Joplin this weekend.  Watching the horror of the Joplin tornado unfold on the news is devastating and more tornadoes are expected in the region today.  My heart breaks and goes out to them. I'm sure there are many groups rushing aid to Joplin, but I know one way you can help now is through the Red Cross.  The Red Cross also has a Safe and Well list. If you are seeking the status of loved ones, it is a good place to start.

Good Day

Days like yesterday leave me refreshed to return to work today.

Morning and evening filled with worship with my Church family.

Lunch filled with laughter with these same people.

Afternoons filled with discussion and digging deeper...again with my Church family.

Early evening volleyball games with teens, and catching up with old friends.

Yesterday was a good day, my heart is happy.  I am so blessed with amazing people in my life. I am so thankful for each and everyone one of them.  I'm thrilled with friends who encourage me and expect better from me.

I'm No "Extreme Couponer", but....

The hubz and I have been seeking out ways to save some money and pay off some bills. Several years ago I tried to do some shopping combining sales with coupons, but it was a lot of work for little savings. Inspired by TLC's show Extreme Couponing, I thought I would give it try again and bought a newspaper last week. I have no intention of become a hoarder...but if we can get the things we are going to use anyway for pennies on the dollar...I'm all for that. :)

The deals don't really add up until you've accumulated about a months worth of coupon inserts, but I was pretty excited to see what deals I could find early on. We had a fun night figuring out the deals and just spending time together.

So here it is:




We got about $30 worth of products for $9...would have been $7 but I grabbed the wrong coupon. Oh well. LOL

- Blessings!

Essential Oils I Can't Live Without - Peppermint

There are two oils I keep in my purse so I don't leave home without: Lavender and Peppermint. They are the two most versatile oils, and my "go to" oils for just about anything.

I have always suffered tension headaches and migraines, using peppermint oil has completely replaced my use of pain relievers. I just dab a little on my forehead and the base of my neck, and shortly thereafter the pain is gone. This, alone, makes the oil worth every penny to me, but it's good for so much more!

• Put a couple drops in hot water for a yummy tea and soothe digestion
• Rub several drops in your stomach if you have an upset stomach or motion sickness
• Garlic/Onion breath after lunch? Put a drop on your tongue after lunch, it will both freshen your breath and increase alertness and concentration as you return to work.
• Breathe in the fragrance of peppermint to curb appetite and lessen the impulse to overeat.

If you want to try out Peppermint for yourself visit YoungLiving.com and use ID # 1137825.

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Blessings!

Torn

I have to admit I'm torn over the death of Osama Bin Laden. There are two sides of me dueling and I'm not sure which to pick.

The first side is the American in me. As an American who cannot forget 9/11 and the effects it had on my country, and even my family. This part of me wants to jump up and shout that the man who has been responsible for the death of thousands of people is now dead.

Then there is my faith... Jesus tells me to love my enemies and to pray for them.

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:27-36

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the LORD see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him." Proverbs 24:17-18

I have often on this blog talked about how I want to be a person who chooses love. I'm not always successful at this, I know. But I just have to think that if more people chose a response of love instead of a response of hate/anger, this world would be a little better place.

Let me say that I agree with the Navy SEALS taking down Bin Laden. He had committed a horrible crime, he needed go be stopped, and his crime needed to be punished. I think it is one thing to celebrate a victory, I'm just not so comfortable celebrating the death of a man...regardless of who he is.

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."
~Martin Luther King Jr

I guess I have made my choice.

- Blessings!

Location:Torn

Counting Moments

I have been reading Ann Voskamp's Blog A Holy Experience for sometime now. I love her blog, it has become a constant source of ideas and encouragement. I highly recommend checking it out. When I heard she was writing a book, I couldn't wait to read it. The book is One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.

This particular post isn't a review of her book (perhaps later); this is a means to tell you I do want to begin counting my moments...I want to begin focusing on and being thankful for the blessings that are right in front of me...and I want to encourage you to do the same thing.

Watch this:




- Blessings!